In the modern day and age there is very little respect for the hat. I’m not really sure why that is. If you think about it, the hat opens up another 4 – 8% of the body to customized accessorizing. In oldentimes (pretty much any time up until the 1940s) the hat was almost a mandatory accessory for people of both genders. However at some point, the hat has lost favor. I’m not really qualified to comment on whether this is a good or bad thing so far as it concerns women’s hats, as I’ve never worn one*, but I really feel like men have lost access to a valid method of varying themselves from the general populace.

So let’s take a look at some modern hats, shall we?

This is a stocking cap. It’s a very common piece of headgear in the modern day and age, at least during the winter. It makes a very aggressive fashion statement, namely, “My head is round.”

While modern fashion favors tight fitting clothing that emphasizes the line of the body, I’m not really sure that hats are a great venue for this. Usually the only adornment seen on these hats is some sort of commercialized logo. Fun, cheap advertising is a kind of a fashion statement- “I pay money to advertise!”- but if that’s really the message you want you might do better with something like this:

The “ball” cap is traditionally a way of showing who and what you are affiliated with, and is generally light enough to be worn in any weather! This hat, as you can see, clearly identifies the wearer as an employee of the Hereti Corporation, or perhaps their subsidiary, the House of Cheese! Wearing this particular hat around mini-lop rabbits is not advised.

This is a fedora. Unlike the last two hats, the fedora does not hug the head as tightly as possible, but instead is styled in such a way as to make you look as much like Humphrey Bogart as possible. It will undoubtedly add an air of sophistication, elegance and style to your life and relationships. You may or may not find yourself seeing in black and white as well.

The jockey’s cap is favored by horse racers everywhere, or just people who want something to keep the sun out of their eyes without a logo being affixed to their forehead like some sort of modern day variant on cattle branding. Wearing one is a sure way to mark yourself as a man of refined tastes, or possibly just find people who are looking for a cabbie.

So in the future, keep your eyes out for headgear and ask yourself, “What does this say? I it something I would wear in public? Or should I just take a picture of it and send it to Nate?”

I’ll look forward to hearing from you.

*Nor am I, in fact, a woman.